She...

She's lost in a world of self doubt and confusion, and she really doesn't know why. She has no real reason to have such low self esteem. She has a good life, a wonderful family, she has so much love from her children, yet she still doubts. Why? this is the question that's always on her mind. She's not a bad person. She always puts others before herself. This is one of her faults. She doesn't matter. As long as everyone else is ok, she's happy. But she's not really. 

She craves attention but won't ask for it. She exists. She doesn't know how to speak her mind or talk about her feelings to the one person she wants to listen, to really listen. She's tried.. but it never works. She's not important enough. There are always other things more important than she is.

She's a master of disguise. She always looks so sunny and smiley and cheerful. She's sad inside. She's sad because she doesn't know how to be herself. She wears the mask needed at the time. Wife, mother, carer, lover. She listens and watches, but who listens to and watches her?

She wonders who the real self is. But it's hidden. It's been hidden for many many years. Too many to count on one hand, or two, three or four hands. This is the cause of confusion. She's had to be somebody else for so long, the real person is hidden too deep. She doesn't know who she is anymore, and she doesn't know how to find that person. Maybe this is the person she is meant to be but can't accept it. Maybe she should. But I don't think that she is happy with the person she is. She wants to be more, she wants to be something, something in her own right, not just a person because of those she loves. 

She keeps searching, and will probably keep searching for many years to come.

She's confused

She's a little bit lost

She's sad, yet happy

She is me. 

This was written taking the promt 'She' for Josies writing workshop.