Monday, February 16


My blog posts have been so negative lately.. sorry. It's just the way I feel at the moment.

I didn't quite flip, but I was so close I had to walk out of the house and ended up wandering around the garden. Yesterday wasn't brilliant to be honest. I need to get a grip. The problem is, when I try to talk about things, no one listens. It all bottles up inside me and then explodes like a volcanic eruption. I'm then asked why did I bottle it all up and not say anything sooner? I tried.

I really wish I could stand up for myself properly. Kick and scream and shout until someone listens. But I don't. I allow myself to be walked all over, mainly because Mark is a very dominant person and will get what he wants when he wants it. At the moment, this is mainly parts for his 3 motorbikes that are all in various stages of repair. No matter how much I grumble or complain, the bits still arrive in the post.

Yesterday I was up at 7am with Isabelle as per usual. I never get a lie in, it just doesn't happen :-( By 10am we were both washed and dressed, my hair washed and dried, both had breakfast, dishes washed (including left over dishes from Mark's late night snacking, why he has to use a clean cup and plate for ever time he eats or drinks, beats me!). Clothes out the dryer and folded, next load in to wash. Cat litter tray cleaned out (kitten still has somewhat of a runny bum!) litter tray washed and bleached, sink bleached, floor washed and bleached, litter tray re-filled, both cats fed. General tidy up. All I'd heard from Mark at this point was a fart as he rolled over in bed!

The rest of the day went pretty much the same way. He went to collect the latest selection of bike bits.

Isabelle sat and did some bead threading, which she loves. Then decided to empty the bead pot all over the living room floor while I was at the loo. She then emptied the dish of raisins she was eating into the middle of the bead covered floor. Mark came home with his box of bike bits and unwrapped those in the middle of the living room floor. They were packed in shredded paper, which joined the bead/raisin mix on the living room floor. I went to get the dusptan and brush and then just stood and looked at it all. I wanted to cry. I turned around and walked out the house into the garden. Mark came out and went to the garage and asked what was wrong. Me? I said ... nothing! I daren't say anything else because I would have set off into a huge rant, he would have shut his ears after the first sentence and I would have cried buckets. Nothing seemed to be the easiest answer. I came back in and Mark and Isabelle were actually picking the beads up. Mark looked up and said.. oh, what's for dinner, I'm faint with hunger. WHAT? You know where the %$£%& kitchen is!!! Why am I seen as a skivvy to wait on everyone at all times? I AM a PERSON! why can no one remember this? it's so frustrating, especially as soon as I start to say anything, it's all thrown back at me, and I'm told that I should try working full time and see how much of a life I've got then. I should try this that and the other, I should try being Mark and see how much I'd like that. A darned site more than I enjoy being me to be honest!!

OK, rant over. I will try and post something at least vaguely positive from now on.