Friday, June 13


So it's Friday the 13th. I'm not supserstitious so the date doesn't bother me at all.

That all said, this morning didn't start off too well. Tiz woke me up at 7am shouting from her room. She has a gate across her door so she can't go wandering around in the night. Well she is still only 2 yrs old. So I dragged myself out of bed and found that to go along with all the joys of my back not wanting to work and me legs dragging, I must have slept funny in the night and my neck on the right hand side was so stiff I could barely move it. Four and a half hours later, it's still painful, although I can move it to a certain point, once it goes beyond that point I get a stabbing pain!

I have to see the Dr. I need help now. I've managed for so long since the original diagnosis without much medical intervention but I think I'm now at the point where I need medical intervention. I can't walk very far lately. It's beginning to spoil days out. I just can't hack the pace. I feel awful for Mark because since he lost weight this past year and got fit, he's full of the joys of life and is raring to go. I can't seem to drag up the energy and inclination to go with him. Despite me trying to hide my discomfort and pain and going on the days out, I end up almost in tears from struggling to keep happy and smiling and pretending nothing is wrong so I don't spoil his day. He knows though. He's not the most supportive person in the world because he has no idea what it's like to live in constant pain and feeling that your body just doesnt want to work anymore. He does try to understand and he does know now when I'm bad and suffering even without me having to say anything to him.

I'm going to list the things that really bother me the most at the moment. This is because my fog isn't too thick at the moment, and because I intend to see the Dr on Monday and I need to remember what to tell him.
  • Overall body pain, feels like my limbs are in slow motion
  • My back - particularly my lower back - locks up and is very stiff and painful, especially if I stand for any amount of time.
  • My legs ache, sometimes all the leg muscles tense up for no reason, especially when I go from sitting to standing.
  • My right shoulder pain! This is one of the worst things and it is continual, it doesn't go away. I can only move my shoulder into certain positions. I can't bear much weight in my right hand or with my right arm. I just can't seem to get my arm comfortable. It aches constantly through all the muscles.
  • Hands and inside forearms itching. This drives me nuts! For no reason whatsoever, no trigger factors, I start to itch. My hands itch so bad sometimes that I just want to scratch them off. I end up with sores from scratching them. I also get what seem to be little blisters pop up for no reason. This does get worse if my hands are hot or cold or they change temperature quickly, but it can happen for no reason at all.
  • My ankles and feet hurt really bad. Sometimes my ankles swell up for no reason at all. That makes them painful!
  • My hips ache constantly. If I sit on the sofa with my legs to one side, my hips lock up. It takes ages of hobbling to bring them back to life once I'm up and walking around.
That's all I can think of at the moment. These are the worst of the things I deal with. I'm sure I'll come back and add more when I remember them.

God it all sounds so depressing doesn't it. I guess it is really.