I'm busy packing yet again.
We got home from Eve's on Saturday after spending a lovely Christmas with her. Not my way of doing Christmas, but hey, it's not my house. We did have a lovely time though and it was really nice to spend it with all three of my kids. Isabelle had a whale of a time and spent the entire Christmas getting dressed up and undressed to get dressed up again from the treasure chest of Disney Princess clothes and glass slippers we bought her. Sod's law really. The whole set cost £15 and she just loves it. We also bought her an Early Learning princess castle and a princess carriage with a unicorn, which she also loves. Everything else went by the wayside LOL.
Tomorrow we're off to Bonny Scotland to visit the outlaws. It's going to be a bit different this year as Mark's Mum and Stepdad split up in October. It's going to be strange not having Fred around, but they are still good friends apparently, so we will still see him. I'm just not looking forward to the long drive up there. Ah well. Slimming club in the morning, and then we're off.
Talking of slimming, I'm joining in the Slimming World 40 day slimathon. The charity is the NSPCC Childs voice appeal, so I'm good with that charity. Hopefully I can lose pounds and raise pounds in the process.
No time to write more... once again it has disappeared into the void!
Monday, December 29
Monday, December 22
Angel
Oh dear, wotta palava!
I decided to make a garden angel yesterday. Hmmm. Not much experience of working with large moulds and it showed. This angel is 14 inches long and phew can it hold some plaster! Lesson 1. Make sure you support the mould VERY WELL. I didn't. The weight of the plaster pulled the mould out of shape and so the middle sank squising the angels wing :( It should stand more upright than it acutally is. Because the middle was pulled down, the plaster didn't reach properly into the angels fingers ... grrrrrr. Oh well, next time I need to use a support for this one. I also have a cherub mould (it's soooo cute) and I'm going to have to have a support for that one too.
Now I just have to work out what price to charge for the angel, when I make one that's right that it.
Anyway, here she is. This is just a trial colour scheme, I could do it any colour I suppose. Mark thinks she should have had white wings and a different colour robe. He may be right. If you click on them, you can see them full size.
I decided to make a garden angel yesterday. Hmmm. Not much experience of working with large moulds and it showed. This angel is 14 inches long and phew can it hold some plaster! Lesson 1. Make sure you support the mould VERY WELL. I didn't. The weight of the plaster pulled the mould out of shape and so the middle sank squising the angels wing :( It should stand more upright than it acutally is. Because the middle was pulled down, the plaster didn't reach properly into the angels fingers ... grrrrrr. Oh well, next time I need to use a support for this one. I also have a cherub mould (it's soooo cute) and I'm going to have to have a support for that one too.
Now I just have to work out what price to charge for the angel, when I make one that's right that it.
Anyway, here she is. This is just a trial colour scheme, I could do it any colour I suppose. Mark thinks she should have had white wings and a different colour robe. He may be right. If you click on them, you can see them full size.
Sunday, December 21
Chocolate cake and Fairy Houses
Mark has reached the grand old age of 39 as of yesterday. Oooh it pigs me off that I'm a year older than him, and he never lets me forget it. Grrrrr.
Anyway, Isabelle, bless her, managed to keep his presents a secret this year. She just wouldn't tell him what he'd got. Probably because she couldn't remember what it was called lol. I told her it was a tool for daddy's garage. It was actually an arc welder. sounds great doesn't it.... not. But he's been harping on about wanting one for years. I saw one reduced in a sale, so I bought it. He was chuffed to bits. I issued a death threat warning along with wishing him happy birthday LOL. He's not allowed to take anything out of the house to weld it together. He's not allowed to bring the welder into the house to weld anything, upon the pain of death!
Of course, Isabelle insisted daddy had a birthday cake. Well that's what you have a birthday for isn't it? cake? She was so excited bless her. She sang happy birthday like an angel (a very out of tune angel.. hehe) and helped blow the candles out. Then she and Mark spent the rest of the afternoon eating cake. I think she wore more than she ate LOL. I resisted the cake and had a museli yogurt.. (is my halo dazzling you?) so I was quite chuffed with myself.
I was so made up last night. (a brief history). 4 years ago, Mark didn't know his dad. His mum and dad split when Mark was 3. 4 years ago, they met up for the first time. They still speak very occasionally (both being men afraid of the phone), but last night Mark's dad phoned and played happy birthday to you on the guitar (his dad is a guitarist too) and sang. mark was over the moon. I think it actually made his birthday. I think the last time they spoke was when Mark phoned his dad on father's day. We both ended up feeling all warm and cosy about him phoning. Then he fell asleep on the sofa at 8pm!! Grrrrrrr
So I spent the evening painting my latest garden ornament that I'm selling. A little fairy tree house with a mushroom top.
Anyway, Isabelle, bless her, managed to keep his presents a secret this year. She just wouldn't tell him what he'd got. Probably because she couldn't remember what it was called lol. I told her it was a tool for daddy's garage. It was actually an arc welder. sounds great doesn't it.... not. But he's been harping on about wanting one for years. I saw one reduced in a sale, so I bought it. He was chuffed to bits. I issued a death threat warning along with wishing him happy birthday LOL. He's not allowed to take anything out of the house to weld it together. He's not allowed to bring the welder into the house to weld anything, upon the pain of death!
Of course, Isabelle insisted daddy had a birthday cake. Well that's what you have a birthday for isn't it? cake? She was so excited bless her. She sang happy birthday like an angel (a very out of tune angel.. hehe) and helped blow the candles out. Then she and Mark spent the rest of the afternoon eating cake. I think she wore more than she ate LOL. I resisted the cake and had a museli yogurt.. (is my halo dazzling you?) so I was quite chuffed with myself.
I was so made up last night. (a brief history). 4 years ago, Mark didn't know his dad. His mum and dad split when Mark was 3. 4 years ago, they met up for the first time. They still speak very occasionally (both being men afraid of the phone), but last night Mark's dad phoned and played happy birthday to you on the guitar (his dad is a guitarist too) and sang. mark was over the moon. I think it actually made his birthday. I think the last time they spoke was when Mark phoned his dad on father's day. We both ended up feeling all warm and cosy about him phoning. Then he fell asleep on the sofa at 8pm!! Grrrrrrr
So I spent the evening painting my latest garden ornament that I'm selling. A little fairy tree house with a mushroom top.
Front view (the red isn't as bright as this, that's from the flash!)
Wednesday, December 17
Faith restored in humanity
Today was a pretty good day. Yesterday afternoon wasn't so good, but then my faith was restored in humanity.
I popped down to the supermarket, did what I had to do and on the way out Isabelle needed a wee. This is her favourite game at the moment! Grrrr. I can't make her wait either or she just pee's in her knickers. So I held her out behind the car door near the rear wheel and then we were on our way home. Oh no! When I got home I realised I'd done something completely stupid. I'd left my purse on the roof of the car from when I gave Isabelle her wee. I phoned the supermarket. No one had handed it in, and it wasn't in the car park where I said I'd parked. I phoned Mark and asked him if he could re-trace my drive home on his way back from work. I then phoned the police to let them know what an idiot I'd been!
There was only £10 in my purse, but there were my switch cards. We don't have credit cards so that wasn't a worry, only the two debit cards, but even so, I didn't want to be cancelling those so close to Christmas and going away etc etc.
Half an hour later there was a knock on the door and there stood my knight in shining armour (metaphorically of course) with my purse in his hands. He said he'd seen it come off the top of my car, the car in front of him had driven over it but he pulled over and picked it up. He'd gone to the police station with it, he hadn't even opened it himself.. wow! The police saw my driving licence in there with my address on and the guy said he'd drop it off. My god.. honest people do exist among all the crap and crime that goes on. I thanked him profusely, and off he went on his merry way having done a good deed. I felt so flippin' stupid!
So today, my book FINALLY arrived after waiting almost 2 weeks for it. Grrrrr. I've had book three for ages, but obviously I need to read book 2 first. I can now, at last, get started on it.
Also, my new mould arrived today. I'm really in to making these plaster cast garden ornaments. I love making them. The first of my little mushroom cottages arrived today.. woohoo. So of course, I made one straight away. I used the last of my plaster and had to order some more, but when needs must and all that. So I've spent tonight painting up my first mushroom cottage. Bad photo's but lack of light, the flash blew the whites out and i really couldn't be arsed to mess about. I'll take some better ones tomorrow when I have some daylight.
The kitten has had me in hysterics. The stupid mog has been running around with my paintbrush in his mouth, tripping over it. He's hidden it, I can't find it anywhere! LOL
Oh and Isabelle decorated the gingerbread house kit I bought. I put it together and then she 'threw' the decorations at it. I thought it looked like Dorothy's house from the wizard of oz when it landed.. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto LOL. Bless her though, she loved doing it.
I popped down to the supermarket, did what I had to do and on the way out Isabelle needed a wee. This is her favourite game at the moment! Grrrr. I can't make her wait either or she just pee's in her knickers. So I held her out behind the car door near the rear wheel and then we were on our way home. Oh no! When I got home I realised I'd done something completely stupid. I'd left my purse on the roof of the car from when I gave Isabelle her wee. I phoned the supermarket. No one had handed it in, and it wasn't in the car park where I said I'd parked. I phoned Mark and asked him if he could re-trace my drive home on his way back from work. I then phoned the police to let them know what an idiot I'd been!
There was only £10 in my purse, but there were my switch cards. We don't have credit cards so that wasn't a worry, only the two debit cards, but even so, I didn't want to be cancelling those so close to Christmas and going away etc etc.
Half an hour later there was a knock on the door and there stood my knight in shining armour (metaphorically of course) with my purse in his hands. He said he'd seen it come off the top of my car, the car in front of him had driven over it but he pulled over and picked it up. He'd gone to the police station with it, he hadn't even opened it himself.. wow! The police saw my driving licence in there with my address on and the guy said he'd drop it off. My god.. honest people do exist among all the crap and crime that goes on. I thanked him profusely, and off he went on his merry way having done a good deed. I felt so flippin' stupid!
So today, my book FINALLY arrived after waiting almost 2 weeks for it. Grrrrr. I've had book three for ages, but obviously I need to read book 2 first. I can now, at last, get started on it.
Also, my new mould arrived today. I'm really in to making these plaster cast garden ornaments. I love making them. The first of my little mushroom cottages arrived today.. woohoo. So of course, I made one straight away. I used the last of my plaster and had to order some more, but when needs must and all that. So I've spent tonight painting up my first mushroom cottage. Bad photo's but lack of light, the flash blew the whites out and i really couldn't be arsed to mess about. I'll take some better ones tomorrow when I have some daylight.
The kitten has had me in hysterics. The stupid mog has been running around with my paintbrush in his mouth, tripping over it. He's hidden it, I can't find it anywhere! LOL
Oh and Isabelle decorated the gingerbread house kit I bought. I put it together and then she 'threw' the decorations at it. I thought it looked like Dorothy's house from the wizard of oz when it landed.. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto LOL. Bless her though, she loved doing it.
Tuesday, December 16
Woohoo!
And for this week's update... I can't tell you how pleased I am....
Imagine the scene... When Harry Met Sally, in the cafe, sally shouting yes, yes, YES!! THAT'S ME!! lol.
I am so happy!!
Just back from class. I lost 3 pounds this week which now means...
I have:
Lost 2 stone and 2 pounds in total since 1st October.
got my 2 stone award at Slimming World
Met my first personal target of 2 stone before January
Lost 10% of my body weight
Gone down into the next stone
Got slimmer of the week!
Woooohoooooooooo, what a morning.
I am now polishing my halo and feeling very righteous
LOL.. I'm chuffed to bits.
I've set my next mini target. I want to lose another 21 pounds before we go to see Metallica on 28th Feb next year.
Imagine the scene... When Harry Met Sally, in the cafe, sally shouting yes, yes, YES!! THAT'S ME!! lol.
I am so happy!!
Just back from class. I lost 3 pounds this week which now means...
I have:
Lost 2 stone and 2 pounds in total since 1st October.
got my 2 stone award at Slimming World
Met my first personal target of 2 stone before January
Lost 10% of my body weight
Gone down into the next stone
Got slimmer of the week!
Woooohoooooooooo, what a morning.
I am now polishing my halo and feeling very righteous
LOL.. I'm chuffed to bits.
I've set my next mini target. I want to lose another 21 pounds before we go to see Metallica on 28th Feb next year.
Friday, December 12
My latest venture
A shameless plug today ;)
I've started a new little venture to try and earn myself a few pennies. It's not going to make me rich or be a millionaire, as much as I'd like it to, but any extra cash is a bonus.
I've been making Fairy Doors. What on earth is a fairy door you may well be asking. Well, these are fairy doors.
They are little garden ornaments to put on a tree, or in a special place in the garden. You could even put them somewhere in the house if you like. I have several other designs too, some big, some small, some tiny. They're cute.
The first batch I did, I sold all but two tiny ones on ebay. I was chuffed to bits. So now I've made some more (the ones above) and I've made myself a little online store called Little Garden Friends - go on, click the link... you know you want to ;) I've got a proper domain name yet. I didn't want to splash the cash out if I sell nothing.
I'm waiting for delivery of a little angel mould and a little cherub mould and then I'll make and paint those. Then.. next week, I'll be getting some little mushroom houses. (yes I know I live in fairyland lol) but there are three designs, all different, so anyone who wants to could have their own little fairy / elf village :D
Cool!! I'm having fun
I've started a new little venture to try and earn myself a few pennies. It's not going to make me rich or be a millionaire, as much as I'd like it to, but any extra cash is a bonus.
I've been making Fairy Doors. What on earth is a fairy door you may well be asking. Well, these are fairy doors.
They are little garden ornaments to put on a tree, or in a special place in the garden. You could even put them somewhere in the house if you like. I have several other designs too, some big, some small, some tiny. They're cute.
The first batch I did, I sold all but two tiny ones on ebay. I was chuffed to bits. So now I've made some more (the ones above) and I've made myself a little online store called Little Garden Friends - go on, click the link... you know you want to ;) I've got a proper domain name yet. I didn't want to splash the cash out if I sell nothing.
I'm waiting for delivery of a little angel mould and a little cherub mould and then I'll make and paint those. Then.. next week, I'll be getting some little mushroom houses. (yes I know I live in fairyland lol) but there are three designs, all different, so anyone who wants to could have their own little fairy / elf village :D
Cool!! I'm having fun
Wednesday, December 10
Have a giggle
Well it was weigh in yesterday and I was really pigged off that I only lost 1lb. I know, I know, it's a whole pound but I was only two pounds away from losing 2 stone (28lbs) in 10 weeks. It's also 10% loss of my BMI, I go down into the next stones and it meets my first personal target of 2 stone before January. [sigh] ah well, next week for all the targets I guess. The annoying thing about it is I've been 100% on the plan all week. There does seem to be a pattern emerging though, I have two good losses then two smaller ones, then back to two good losses again. If that's the case, I can live with it I suppose, even though I want to lose a stone each week. I know that's not pysically possible LOL, but it doesn't stop my wanting it.
Anyway, I got wandering around a diet joke site this morning for some peculiar reason and there were some funny jokes, so I thought I'd share them.
Toddler Miracle Diet!
Over the years you may have noticed that most two years olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult you doctor before embarking on this diet; otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good luck!!!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, and then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any colour), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest)
Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.
Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor...
DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Dog Food (any flavour). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon Snack: Lick a lollipop until sticky, take outside and drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour orange squash over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.
DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, then rub fingers in hair. Glass of milk, drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays lollipop from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.
Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of crisps, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through nose, if possible.
FINAL DAY
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavour), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes; add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat breadcrumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that lollipop and finish eating it.
Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.
This one really made me laugh. It appealed to my slightly warped imagination!
The dieter's guide to weight loss during sex
How much weight do we lose during sex? The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.
EXAMPLES:
1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake.
25 min. non-stop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.
53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.
53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.
PREPARING THE BEDROOM
Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)
ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS
Hiding the sex manual: 3
Decanting the wine: 4
Without a corkscrew: 268
MAKING THE FIRST MOVE
If you are shy: 15
If you are anxious: 43
If you beg: 100
SEDUCING THE PARTNER
If you are rich (cash): 5
If you are rich (credit card): 15
If you are poor: 200
INITIAL BODY CONTACT
Fumbling: 4
Casually rummaging around: 7
Seriously rummaging around: 42
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent: 12
Without partner's consent: 187
Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418
AROUSAL AND STIMULATION
Blowing in partner's ear: 15
Blowing in your own ear: 2,512
DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed)
Partner looks better with clothes on: 10
Partner wears corrective underwear: 15
Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100
You don't mind: 0.25
Partner wearing elevated socks: 50
DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME
Fumbling around: 4
Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18
Completely missing: 126
POSITIONS
Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26
German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48
English (woman on top; man hiding): 15
American (both on top): 1,243
AFFLICTIONS
Leg cramp: 36
Making believe you don't have a leg cramp: 612
Sneezing (during intercourse): 7
Sneezing (during orgasm): 588
ASSORTED ACCIDENTS
Toupee slips off (if your partner knew you wore one): 5
Toupee slips off (if partner didn't know): 72
Extinguishing cigarette (in ashtray): 1
Extinguishing cigarette (in mattress): 17
Extinguishing cigarette (in partner's leg): 133
Calling your partner the wrong name: 50
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off: 15
Expression didn't change: 0.5
Room turned purple: 4
Face turned purple: 78
Earth moved: 30
If Earth actually moved: 1,234,588
Moaning in Turkish: 506
THINGS OFTEN SAID AFTER SEX
"I am so grateful": 15
"It must have been something we ate": 15
"Was it good for you?": 15
"Are you finished?": 15
TRYING AGAIN
If woman is ready: 5
If man is not: 563
ROLLING OVER AND GOING TO SLEEP
After sex: 18
During sex: 546
While parking car: 212
SLEEP
Real: 5
Faked (a good way to avoid sex-craved partner): 74
TAKING A BATH TOGETHER
In a bath: 5
In a sink: 150
In a Jacuzzi: 15,269
MAKING THE BED
With partner still in it: 44 (indicates either a neatness obsession, a severe optic disorder, or a partner who is very tired).
With you still in it: 97 (suggests extreme withdrawal and profound dissatisfaction)
KEEPING A JOURNAL
Maintaining your own record of sexual activity will be helpful for keeping track of weight loss. You needn't go into detail, just list the activity and the number of calories burned. A typical entry in a woman's journal (for example) for a pleasant low-key sexual experience
might read as follows:
December 1st: Sex with Harold
Explaining how: 12
Suggesting something different: 3
Calming terrified Harold: 40
Encouraging him to at least take off his socks: 8
Foreplay (a little of this; a little of that): 56
Intercourse (standing position): 22
Intercourse (holding Harold up): 10
Intercourse (urging him on): 5
Orgasm: not sure
Thanking Harold: 3
Waving bye-bye: 1
Total time: six minutes (taxi waiting)
Total calories burned: 160
And finally, sorry to any men reading this (mwah)
15 reasons why diet coke is better than a man
1. When you swallow a diet coke you only get 1 calorie.
2. It comes in a can, not in your mouth.
3. You can ignore a diet coke for weeks and it will still be there when you want it.
4. The first one won't get mad if you need another one tonight.
5. A diet coke generally lasts longer.
6. You can throw it in the bin when you're done.
7. A diet coke will treat you the same in the morning as the night before.
8. You can pick one up at a supermarket without your friends talking about you.
9. You can do one in the car even while driving.
10. The aftertaste is certainly better.
11. You can get a bigger size without changing brands.
12. You never have to lie to a diet coke.
13. A diet soda will wait home patiently when you go out with friends and still refresh you when you get home at 6AM.
14. You can have a headache and still enjoy it.
Anyway, I got wandering around a diet joke site this morning for some peculiar reason and there were some funny jokes, so I thought I'd share them.
Toddler Miracle Diet!
Over the years you may have noticed that most two years olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult you doctor before embarking on this diet; otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good luck!!!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, and then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons (any colour), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest)
Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.
Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor...
DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Dog Food (any flavour). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon Snack: Lick a lollipop until sticky, take outside and drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour orange squash over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.
DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, then rub fingers in hair. Glass of milk, drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays lollipop from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.
Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of crisps, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through nose, if possible.
FINAL DAY
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavour), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes; add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat breadcrumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that lollipop and finish eating it.
Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.
This one really made me laugh. It appealed to my slightly warped imagination!
The dieter's guide to weight loss during sex
How much weight do we lose during sex? The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.
EXAMPLES:
1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake.
25 min. non-stop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.
53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.
53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.
PREPARING THE BEDROOM
Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)
ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS
Hiding the sex manual: 3
Decanting the wine: 4
Without a corkscrew: 268
MAKING THE FIRST MOVE
If you are shy: 15
If you are anxious: 43
If you beg: 100
SEDUCING THE PARTNER
If you are rich (cash): 5
If you are rich (credit card): 15
If you are poor: 200
INITIAL BODY CONTACT
Fumbling: 4
Casually rummaging around: 7
Seriously rummaging around: 42
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent: 12
Without partner's consent: 187
Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418
AROUSAL AND STIMULATION
Blowing in partner's ear: 15
Blowing in your own ear: 2,512
DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed)
Partner looks better with clothes on: 10
Partner wears corrective underwear: 15
Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100
You don't mind: 0.25
Partner wearing elevated socks: 50
DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME
Fumbling around: 4
Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18
Completely missing: 126
POSITIONS
Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26
German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48
English (woman on top; man hiding): 15
American (both on top): 1,243
AFFLICTIONS
Leg cramp: 36
Making believe you don't have a leg cramp: 612
Sneezing (during intercourse): 7
Sneezing (during orgasm): 588
ASSORTED ACCIDENTS
Toupee slips off (if your partner knew you wore one): 5
Toupee slips off (if partner didn't know): 72
Extinguishing cigarette (in ashtray): 1
Extinguishing cigarette (in mattress): 17
Extinguishing cigarette (in partner's leg): 133
Calling your partner the wrong name: 50
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off: 15
Expression didn't change: 0.5
Room turned purple: 4
Face turned purple: 78
Earth moved: 30
If Earth actually moved: 1,234,588
Moaning in Turkish: 506
THINGS OFTEN SAID AFTER SEX
"I am so grateful": 15
"It must have been something we ate": 15
"Was it good for you?": 15
"Are you finished?": 15
TRYING AGAIN
If woman is ready: 5
If man is not: 563
ROLLING OVER AND GOING TO SLEEP
After sex: 18
During sex: 546
While parking car: 212
SLEEP
Real: 5
Faked (a good way to avoid sex-craved partner): 74
TAKING A BATH TOGETHER
In a bath: 5
In a sink: 150
In a Jacuzzi: 15,269
MAKING THE BED
With partner still in it: 44 (indicates either a neatness obsession, a severe optic disorder, or a partner who is very tired).
With you still in it: 97 (suggests extreme withdrawal and profound dissatisfaction)
KEEPING A JOURNAL
Maintaining your own record of sexual activity will be helpful for keeping track of weight loss. You needn't go into detail, just list the activity and the number of calories burned. A typical entry in a woman's journal (for example) for a pleasant low-key sexual experience
might read as follows:
December 1st: Sex with Harold
Explaining how: 12
Suggesting something different: 3
Calming terrified Harold: 40
Encouraging him to at least take off his socks: 8
Foreplay (a little of this; a little of that): 56
Intercourse (standing position): 22
Intercourse (holding Harold up): 10
Intercourse (urging him on): 5
Orgasm: not sure
Thanking Harold: 3
Waving bye-bye: 1
Total time: six minutes (taxi waiting)
Total calories burned: 160
And finally, sorry to any men reading this (mwah)
15 reasons why diet coke is better than a man
1. When you swallow a diet coke you only get 1 calorie.
2. It comes in a can, not in your mouth.
3. You can ignore a diet coke for weeks and it will still be there when you want it.
4. The first one won't get mad if you need another one tonight.
5. A diet coke generally lasts longer.
6. You can throw it in the bin when you're done.
7. A diet coke will treat you the same in the morning as the night before.
8. You can pick one up at a supermarket without your friends talking about you.
9. You can do one in the car even while driving.
10. The aftertaste is certainly better.
11. You can get a bigger size without changing brands.
12. You never have to lie to a diet coke.
13. A diet soda will wait home patiently when you go out with friends and still refresh you when you get home at 6AM.
14. You can have a headache and still enjoy it.
Monday, December 8
Sods Law!!
Years ago a I read a series of Fantasy books by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman called the Dragonlance Chronicles. There were six books in the series and it followed the same characters through various trials and tribulations of them trying to 'save' their world. They were really good books and I loved them.
Well, in the charity shop abut a week ago I found another Weiss and Hickman Dragonlance book. This book is set 50 years on after the Chaos War, and some of the characters till exist (albeit very old - apart from the elves who don't age at the same speed as humans), or are descendents of the previous characters. I ploughed through this book and finished it on Friday :( So I got on to amazon to order the next book. I managed to get book II and book III. one was 39p and the other was 1p! Shame about extortionate postage costs, but even so, I orderd the next two books.
I said to Mark yesterday, it will be sod's law that book III arrives before book II. Now, I am 'without book' at the moment and it's driving me potty. I hate to be without a book. It means I have to live in the real world rather than a world of fantasty and dragons and elves and Kender and mages. The real world includes my other half watching 'Dave' all evening and I have to bear with repeats of Top Gear. Don't get me wrong, I love Top Gear, but not when I have to watch an episode for the third time! Grrrrr.
So this morning a parcel plopped through my door... lo and behold.. it's BOOK III!!!! I had to put it on the shelf straight away without even reading the back because I don't want to get any hints or clues as to what has happened in book II. I just hope to god book II arrives tomorrow.
I'm also going through a mega music phase again. Not that I can ever get tired of Metallica, Guns n Roses, Chili Peppers etc, I think I'm ready for some new stuff. So I got onto You Tube (after searching for the Elbow track to post here) and wandered around the music section (as I do.. and got lost lol). First off, I came across a track by Santana (fantastic guitarist) and Chad Kroeger (lead singer of Nickelback - who we saw in concert a couple of years ago - fantastic!) I really loved the spanish feel to this track and love the song called Into the Night.
I had to grab the live version to post here as non of the actual video's have the embed link.. but this is just so funky! and it has a bit of eye candy for me in the form of Mr Kroeger - woohoo
Then, after listening to Santana I had to go and find one of my all time favourite songs, Smooth. This is Santana with Rob Thomas. I've never really listened to Rob Thomas so I had a wander around some of his stuff and found this one! I can't stop playing it now! Sends chills up my spine for some reason. It's called, All that I am. Again, no official video for it.
This then set me off on thinking about the songs that move me the most, and my favourite songs of all time.
I'm going to give this some thought and post them later :D
Well, in the charity shop abut a week ago I found another Weiss and Hickman Dragonlance book. This book is set 50 years on after the Chaos War, and some of the characters till exist (albeit very old - apart from the elves who don't age at the same speed as humans), or are descendents of the previous characters. I ploughed through this book and finished it on Friday :( So I got on to amazon to order the next book. I managed to get book II and book III. one was 39p and the other was 1p! Shame about extortionate postage costs, but even so, I orderd the next two books.
I said to Mark yesterday, it will be sod's law that book III arrives before book II. Now, I am 'without book' at the moment and it's driving me potty. I hate to be without a book. It means I have to live in the real world rather than a world of fantasty and dragons and elves and Kender and mages. The real world includes my other half watching 'Dave' all evening and I have to bear with repeats of Top Gear. Don't get me wrong, I love Top Gear, but not when I have to watch an episode for the third time! Grrrrr.
So this morning a parcel plopped through my door... lo and behold.. it's BOOK III!!!! I had to put it on the shelf straight away without even reading the back because I don't want to get any hints or clues as to what has happened in book II. I just hope to god book II arrives tomorrow.
I'm also going through a mega music phase again. Not that I can ever get tired of Metallica, Guns n Roses, Chili Peppers etc, I think I'm ready for some new stuff. So I got onto You Tube (after searching for the Elbow track to post here) and wandered around the music section (as I do.. and got lost lol). First off, I came across a track by Santana (fantastic guitarist) and Chad Kroeger (lead singer of Nickelback - who we saw in concert a couple of years ago - fantastic!) I really loved the spanish feel to this track and love the song called Into the Night.
I had to grab the live version to post here as non of the actual video's have the embed link.. but this is just so funky! and it has a bit of eye candy for me in the form of Mr Kroeger - woohoo
Then, after listening to Santana I had to go and find one of my all time favourite songs, Smooth. This is Santana with Rob Thomas. I've never really listened to Rob Thomas so I had a wander around some of his stuff and found this one! I can't stop playing it now! Sends chills up my spine for some reason. It's called, All that I am. Again, no official video for it.
This then set me off on thinking about the songs that move me the most, and my favourite songs of all time.
I'm going to give this some thought and post them later :D
Sunday, December 7
Music....
OMG!! I have finally solved the riddle that has been bugging me for about 6 weeks. You have no idea how releaved I am. It has been the weight of the world on my shoulders and has practically sent me into early dementia.
what was this riddle? well...
I'm not much of a TV watcher but my puter is in the living room and I sit with my back to the TV so I generally hear what's going on. ITV have been using a particular song as a trailer track. Well, I say song, it was a heavy guitar riff. I didn't know what it was and I heard it advertise several different TV programmes coming up, but also Top Gear used the track. It was driving me mental! I hunted the internet but with very little info, found it hard to use the right keywords. I couldn't find anything. Then I remembered that it had been used to advertise The Devil's Whore, so I searched again and voila!! I found out that the track is by Elbow and is called Grounds for Divorce. I heard the full song a while ago and really liked it, but didn't remember where the guitar riff came from.
I am so pleased I now know what it is. I've heard it advertise so much since... and I keep pointing at the telly saying.. I know what you are now... LOL
Here's the song in full... wait for the guitar riff in the middle and another towards the end.. you may even recognise it.
what was this riddle? well...
I'm not much of a TV watcher but my puter is in the living room and I sit with my back to the TV so I generally hear what's going on. ITV have been using a particular song as a trailer track. Well, I say song, it was a heavy guitar riff. I didn't know what it was and I heard it advertise several different TV programmes coming up, but also Top Gear used the track. It was driving me mental! I hunted the internet but with very little info, found it hard to use the right keywords. I couldn't find anything. Then I remembered that it had been used to advertise The Devil's Whore, so I searched again and voila!! I found out that the track is by Elbow and is called Grounds for Divorce. I heard the full song a while ago and really liked it, but didn't remember where the guitar riff came from.
I am so pleased I now know what it is. I've heard it advertise so much since... and I keep pointing at the telly saying.. I know what you are now... LOL
Here's the song in full... wait for the guitar riff in the middle and another towards the end.. you may even recognise it.
Hacking coughs!
Oh dear, my poor baby. (I know she's three but she's still my baby). She started with a cough on Thursday and by Friday she was coughing more or less continuous. I phoned to get her in to see the Dr but I could only get an appointment with the useless Dr. There was no point in taking her to see him. I managed to find her inhaler and cancelled the appointment. I had to puff the inhaler into a cup and get her to breathe it in. She was actually very good at it. So then came the snotty nose, ewwwwww it ran everywhere! But today is Sunday and the cold is easing off but she's still coughing. It's a lot looser but it's still bad. Poor baby. It's her school play this week (she's a fairy) and it's dress rehearsal tomorrow, but I'm not sure she's well enough to go to school. The annoying thing is that the school play is on Tuesday AND Wednesday at 6pm! I'd rather not be taking her out in the freezing weather we have at that time of night when her cough is so bad. But we'll see how she goes. And now of course, I'm coughing!!!
Mark has been off work for 11 and a half days! arghhhhhhhhh!! it's not been so bad, but it throws me off my routine and he gets in the way LOL. And coffee!! Good grief, I've never known anyone drink so much coffee. The thing is, he expects me to make it.. haha! Nice try pal. Make it yourself.
I've got about half of my Christmas presents bought now. Isabelle is done, but i keep seeing things thinking, oh she'd love that! I have to stop buying for her lol, she has enough junk as it is.
My new baby niece hasn't arrived yet. I phoned my brother yesterday and he says that Sarah is in slow labour. She's having contractions, just not regular ones. She was due on 28th November and now obviously, it's 7th December. The poor girl is now 9 days overdue. Apparently the midwife is going to see her today and give her a membrane sweep and if she doesn't go into full labour they are going to induce her on Wednesday (10th). This is the first December baby in our family. All our baby's have been born in May, June or July, although we do have one in January.
Anyway, I need to go and find my wooly socks. My feet are freezing! Mark thinks my circulation stops at my knees, especially when I get into bed and put my cold feet on him LOL
Mark has been off work for 11 and a half days! arghhhhhhhhh!! it's not been so bad, but it throws me off my routine and he gets in the way LOL. And coffee!! Good grief, I've never known anyone drink so much coffee. The thing is, he expects me to make it.. haha! Nice try pal. Make it yourself.
I've got about half of my Christmas presents bought now. Isabelle is done, but i keep seeing things thinking, oh she'd love that! I have to stop buying for her lol, she has enough junk as it is.
My new baby niece hasn't arrived yet. I phoned my brother yesterday and he says that Sarah is in slow labour. She's having contractions, just not regular ones. She was due on 28th November and now obviously, it's 7th December. The poor girl is now 9 days overdue. Apparently the midwife is going to see her today and give her a membrane sweep and if she doesn't go into full labour they are going to induce her on Wednesday (10th). This is the first December baby in our family. All our baby's have been born in May, June or July, although we do have one in January.
Anyway, I need to go and find my wooly socks. My feet are freezing! Mark thinks my circulation stops at my knees, especially when I get into bed and put my cold feet on him LOL
Wednesday, December 3
Good Grief!!
I had a trawl through my photo albums on my puter to see if I could find one of myself (eek) to compare with how I look almost 2 stone lighter. I came across one taken at the end of May this year at Russ's 18th birthday party. God it is horrific!! I can't believe I walked about looking like that! The second photograph, I took about 15 minutes ago. No wonder I've had people comment about my face looking thinner. Take a look for yourself. I'm gobsmacked LOL. What is my face going to be like a few more stone lost? If ony the rest of me slimmed down as quick as my face [sigh]
Anyway, the pics.
May 08
December 08 after losing 1 stone 12 in 9 weeks
Anyway, the pics.
May 08
December 08 after losing 1 stone 12 in 9 weeks
Tuesday, December 2
Knickers and Cheek bones
Great title eh? LOL
Well, another two pounds lost this week making the total 26 pounds in 9 weeks. Two more pounds to lose until several milestones.
2 pounds more will mean: I've lost two stone. I've lost 10% of my body weight. I go down into the next (lower) stones, and I will have reached my personal mini target early. I set my own target to lose 2 stone by January. Hopefully, all these will have been achieved by next Tuesday.
Twice today I have had someone say that they can really see the weight loss from my face. Both at separate times too.. which was nice. If only it would shift from my belly!! That's usually the last place it goes from and I end up looking like a bumble bee!!
I bought new knickers this week. LOL. I was getting a bit desparate for new ones. All my old ones had holes in where they shouldn't be. But I managed to get some from Asda.. THAT FIT ME.. rather than having to go to the fat shop that shall remain nameless. I had to buy 3 sizes smaller than I have been wearing! woohoo! My trousers are all too bit too. I did manage to get a really nice pair of black trousers from the charity shop for a couple of quid. They're two sizes smaller than I had been wearing. I refuse to pay full price for clothes in this size because I'm not going to be this size for long.
The thing that drives me bonkers at slimming class, is all the people who inhale when they hear how much I've lost in such a short time. Yes it IS going for it but they keep asking, oh, what are you eating. What are you doing? How are you doing it? or, I wish I could lose it like you are... basically, I'm sticking to the plan. I don't go home after weigh in and gorge myself all day like some people do. They complain that they only lost 1/2 a pound that week, then follow up with everything they've eaten that they 'shouldn't have'. I bite my tongue, but c'mon... if you want to lose the weight, and get upset at 'only' losing 1/2 a pound.. stick to the flippin' plan!! There are so many excuses... especially this time of year. Yes I know how hard it is to refuse chocolates, mince pies, cakes etc that are around for Christmas. But do you want to eat that chocolate MORE than you want to lose the weight? I don't.. I want the weight off way more than I want the chocolate... that's why I'm losing and they're not. [off my soapbox now]
I was going to write loads more.. Isabelle getting excited about Christmas, things I've bought for her, her school play etc etc.. but it's dinner time. I don't feel like cooking dinner.. but I'm hungry. I'm going to put some veg in the slow cooker overnight for soup tomorrow, but I'm off to hunt in the fridge to see what looks appetising for tonight.
Well, another two pounds lost this week making the total 26 pounds in 9 weeks. Two more pounds to lose until several milestones.
2 pounds more will mean: I've lost two stone. I've lost 10% of my body weight. I go down into the next (lower) stones, and I will have reached my personal mini target early. I set my own target to lose 2 stone by January. Hopefully, all these will have been achieved by next Tuesday.
Twice today I have had someone say that they can really see the weight loss from my face. Both at separate times too.. which was nice. If only it would shift from my belly!! That's usually the last place it goes from and I end up looking like a bumble bee!!
I bought new knickers this week. LOL. I was getting a bit desparate for new ones. All my old ones had holes in where they shouldn't be. But I managed to get some from Asda.. THAT FIT ME.. rather than having to go to the fat shop that shall remain nameless. I had to buy 3 sizes smaller than I have been wearing! woohoo! My trousers are all too bit too. I did manage to get a really nice pair of black trousers from the charity shop for a couple of quid. They're two sizes smaller than I had been wearing. I refuse to pay full price for clothes in this size because I'm not going to be this size for long.
The thing that drives me bonkers at slimming class, is all the people who inhale when they hear how much I've lost in such a short time. Yes it IS going for it but they keep asking, oh, what are you eating. What are you doing? How are you doing it? or, I wish I could lose it like you are... basically, I'm sticking to the plan. I don't go home after weigh in and gorge myself all day like some people do. They complain that they only lost 1/2 a pound that week, then follow up with everything they've eaten that they 'shouldn't have'. I bite my tongue, but c'mon... if you want to lose the weight, and get upset at 'only' losing 1/2 a pound.. stick to the flippin' plan!! There are so many excuses... especially this time of year. Yes I know how hard it is to refuse chocolates, mince pies, cakes etc that are around for Christmas. But do you want to eat that chocolate MORE than you want to lose the weight? I don't.. I want the weight off way more than I want the chocolate... that's why I'm losing and they're not. [off my soapbox now]
I was going to write loads more.. Isabelle getting excited about Christmas, things I've bought for her, her school play etc etc.. but it's dinner time. I don't feel like cooking dinner.. but I'm hungry. I'm going to put some veg in the slow cooker overnight for soup tomorrow, but I'm off to hunt in the fridge to see what looks appetising for tonight.
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