Monday on holiday

 So it's Tuesday morning but I'm writing about Monday because I'm too tired at night and have no brain, so it's easier to write in the morning. 

I got up Monday morning and it was starting to dawn on me that I have no responsibilities. Anything that was done today was purely my choice. I decided that I was just going to mooch about at the cottage during the day and then go and get fish and chips and eat them at the west bay watching the sun set. That's the only plan I had. I did some writing, some reading my phone and about 3.30pm I was tired so I thought I'd have a nap. I woke again about 8pm. oops.  I felt really groggy so I made myself a bacon sandwich and just chilled on the sofa. I decided not to go for fish and chips watching the sunset. And it didn't matter. I'd not disappointed anyone and that felt great. Normally I'd have put others before myself and we would have ended up going, no matter how tired I felt. 

I didn't craft, I didn't read, I did do the dishes. I scrolled facebook and facebook watch and decided about 11pm to go to bed again. I slept till around 9 (apart from having to wee twice in the night, grrrr) The sun is out, my view is still amazing and I think I'm going to get something to eat and head down to the beach with my book for a while.

As for the rest of the day... who knows? hahaha. It feels great :)

A mental break

 

This is my view. I'm sat outside my little cottage apartment with coffee and my chromebook and this is my view. How awesome is that. This is the view of Llandudno bay, the pier and the Great Orme. The Great Orme is a headland that sticks out into the sea on the North Wales coast. 

I've rented a little cottage apartment from Sunday to Friday for myself. I am taking some time out to fix myself mentally and hopefully physically when I get back home again. The overwhelm at home at our new life post hubby's accident got too much. 

So here I am, re-stocking the calm. I feel a bit like Shirley Valentine, if you can remember her lol Only I'm not going to be falling for any Greek (or any nationality for that matter) hunk. I'm here for peace and quiet and calm. And lets face it, with that view, it's definitely calming.

I'm proud of myself, yes, I just sat and thought about it and I am actually proud of myself. Firstly I can't believe I booked a holiday for myself. Secondly, I drove here myself. I know it's not very far from home in the grand scheme of things but anxiety takes over if I don't know where I am. But I coped. I found my cottage and here I am.

It's so quiet. If it wasn't for the seagulls screaming every now and then I'd think I'd gone completely deaf. I can see cars driving along the road next to the beach, but I can't hear them.

I am loving the freedom. I am only responsible for myself. When I got here last night it was difficult unpacking the car and getting my suitcase up the stairs, but I managed. I've not unpacked, it's all still in the suitcase, which isn't like me. I normally unpack stuff into the wardrobes etc. I've left clothes laying over the chair in the bedroom, again, not like me, but you know what... it doesn't matter. 

This morning when I woke up, I decided not to get up but to doze on and off for a while until I was really ready to get out of bed. I've not eaten yet because I wasn't hungry. It's almost 1pm and I'm ready to eat but because no one else was wanting breakfast, it didn't matter. 

Before I go and eat, last night was quite and emotional and grounding moment. I sat here watching the sun set and happened to look up and saw maybe 50 or so bats flying around the trees and above my head. I was a bit sad that Mark or Jamie wasn't here to share it with, but I thought for a moment and changed the thought process to one where I thought, oh wow, the sunset is amazing, it's so peaceful and quiet and I have bats flying overhead catching insects. There was only me in this moment. Only me witnessing this moment in time and no one else will have this moment that I've had. That is precious.

A new start

 It's time to find me again, who I am, and what I'm about.

My hubby was knocked off his motorbike and the injuries almost took his life. He was intubated at the roadside and was in a coma for 6 days. He spent 3 months in hospital but nearly 11 months later he is still having to have surgeries and rehabilitation. He has life-changing injuries and is in constant pain. I am now his carer and the last 11 months have taken their toll on me. He has worked hard and can now walk (I say walk, its more of a hobble) with a crutch but he only really has 10% usage of his left leg. Add to that the bones in his right arm aren't healing, he has limited use in his left arm, both knees have no ligaments attached and require surgery and his lungs haven't really recovered from having drainage tubes in them.

Hubby is Autistic and it can make life very difficult, especially as he had a brain injury which makes it difficult for him to understand some things.  My son is also Autistic and has ADHD. My life can be overwhelming sometimes in trying to fit into an autistic household. Trying to keep everything together in a way that everyone is comfortable is really hard sometimes. 

Life is currently overwhelming. I decided I really need a break. To get away from everything and to restore some coping mechanisms and some sanity. I've never done this before. I've never been away on my own. It was always with family when I was a kid, or with my kids and family. 

So here I am today, sat outside a little apartment at the seaside on my own from Sunday to Friday. I'll tell you more 

Annie :)