At what point in a couple's life together do you start morphing into the same person?
Mark and I, although we have always got along really well and share the same warped sense of humour, have always been very different. I'm very laid back and easy going. There is no rush for me to get things done, they'll get done in time, whereas Mark is always on full steam ahead, running around like (what seems to me) an idiot. It just doesn't seem necessary to be racing from one thing to the next at 100 miles an hour with barely a pause for breath between each 'thing' he's doing. But despite these differences, our relationship works.
The past few days have been a bit bizarre. There have been several occasions where we've been thinking the same thing at the same time. I don't mean things like what's for dinner when it's almost dinner time, I mean, out of the ordinary things, which makes the whole thing a bit bizarre. For instance, we heard the theme tune for Eastenders on the TV the other night. Now we don't actually watch it and so we rarely hear the theme tune, but as it played I said, you know, after all these years you think they'd have made the theme tune to Eastenders a bit more modern. Mark said, my god, I was just thinking, it's about time they udated the theme tune.
This is only one of about 6 or 7 things that we've both thought at the same time, even if we've not been in the same room. I've maybe gone to Mark and said something and he's said.. my god, I was just thinking about that, or vice versa. It's really odd. We were talking about how long we've been together. We've been married six and a half years, but been together for 10 years. Wow he said, it's the longest he's ever been with someone and said, it must be because you make good steak pie, right at the same moment I said, I must make good steak pie then. Is it just a case of knowing each other really well? I dont' know, but it is bizarre LOL.
We have had a lot of differences and a lot of hard times during our relationship. Mark's alcoholism almost resulted in divorce 4 and a bit years ago, but since he's been tea-total the raging and violent arguments have stopped and we can discuss things in a more humane manner. It seems that during the past six to eight months we have actually settled down into a very civil relationship. I'm sure there will be blow-up's to come, but I think we understand each other a lot more now. I do know that we both feel quite settled and comfortable with the way things are. I understand that Mark is a million miles an hour person and am happy for him to do his thing at that pace. He understands that I'm not that way and is happy for me to do things at my pace. I think he's also come to terms with the fact that sometimes, due to my having Fibromyalgia and CFS, that I am not capable of doing things at any sort of pace. He knows now that I'm in pain of some degree all the time. Sometimes it's worse than others. He's learnt the signs, the slow shuffling walk that I sometimes do when my back/hips are really painful or sometimes the way I turn slowly at the neck when my shoulders and neck are playing up. He is a lot more aware of these things and is very much more considerate towards me when he notices these things. This is something Mark would never do previously. He was very much all for himself and what he wanted when he wanted it.
I do wonder if this is all due to him becoming more aware of what's around him generally in life. He has become very interested in wildlife over the summer. This came about due to a couple of reasons. I grew up with a very knowledgeable father and a registered blind mother. Because of this I was taught, from a very early age to see and be aware of things around me, about nature and wildlife. I know a lot of plant names, animal and bird names etc and through the years have passed this information on to my kids. Mark had a different up-bringing and when Isabelle was starting to ask, what's that plant/animal/bird? Mark didn't know. So he set about learning. My photography has also played a part in his wanting to know more. He's seen some of my photographs, particularly the close up macro shots of insects and butterflies and has been amazed at the detail. (it's very hard to amaze Mark with anything!) so he's set off on his mission to learn. To learn, he's had to look around him and become aware of his surroundings and what's actually going on in the world. He's realised there is a whole new world outside of himself. So I think he's opened up a portal in his being and allowed himself to become aware of what is going on around him and what the people around him are doing. It's a bit of a novelty for me because he's never been like this. He's always been (by his own admittal) a selfish person, but due to this change I think it's allowed us to get a bit closer to each other. We are getting on so much better these days. The conversations we have are not soley about motorbikes. He's also been very supporting about my broken camera. He can understand what it means to me. This time last year he wouldn't have understood. It's just a camera... but for some reason, he's been really understanding and has even given me some money that he made from selling old bike bits on ebay. Now that WAS a surprise as he was selling bike bits to fund new bike bits needed to repair his project bike. The fact that he sacrificed parts for his project bike to put towards my camera fund really does show a huge change in him. I really do hope he doesn't revert back!
Mark and I, although we have always got along really well and share the same warped sense of humour, have always been very different. I'm very laid back and easy going. There is no rush for me to get things done, they'll get done in time, whereas Mark is always on full steam ahead, running around like (what seems to me) an idiot. It just doesn't seem necessary to be racing from one thing to the next at 100 miles an hour with barely a pause for breath between each 'thing' he's doing. But despite these differences, our relationship works.
The past few days have been a bit bizarre. There have been several occasions where we've been thinking the same thing at the same time. I don't mean things like what's for dinner when it's almost dinner time, I mean, out of the ordinary things, which makes the whole thing a bit bizarre. For instance, we heard the theme tune for Eastenders on the TV the other night. Now we don't actually watch it and so we rarely hear the theme tune, but as it played I said, you know, after all these years you think they'd have made the theme tune to Eastenders a bit more modern. Mark said, my god, I was just thinking, it's about time they udated the theme tune.
This is only one of about 6 or 7 things that we've both thought at the same time, even if we've not been in the same room. I've maybe gone to Mark and said something and he's said.. my god, I was just thinking about that, or vice versa. It's really odd. We were talking about how long we've been together. We've been married six and a half years, but been together for 10 years. Wow he said, it's the longest he's ever been with someone and said, it must be because you make good steak pie, right at the same moment I said, I must make good steak pie then. Is it just a case of knowing each other really well? I dont' know, but it is bizarre LOL.
We have had a lot of differences and a lot of hard times during our relationship. Mark's alcoholism almost resulted in divorce 4 and a bit years ago, but since he's been tea-total the raging and violent arguments have stopped and we can discuss things in a more humane manner. It seems that during the past six to eight months we have actually settled down into a very civil relationship. I'm sure there will be blow-up's to come, but I think we understand each other a lot more now. I do know that we both feel quite settled and comfortable with the way things are. I understand that Mark is a million miles an hour person and am happy for him to do his thing at that pace. He understands that I'm not that way and is happy for me to do things at my pace. I think he's also come to terms with the fact that sometimes, due to my having Fibromyalgia and CFS, that I am not capable of doing things at any sort of pace. He knows now that I'm in pain of some degree all the time. Sometimes it's worse than others. He's learnt the signs, the slow shuffling walk that I sometimes do when my back/hips are really painful or sometimes the way I turn slowly at the neck when my shoulders and neck are playing up. He is a lot more aware of these things and is very much more considerate towards me when he notices these things. This is something Mark would never do previously. He was very much all for himself and what he wanted when he wanted it.
I do wonder if this is all due to him becoming more aware of what's around him generally in life. He has become very interested in wildlife over the summer. This came about due to a couple of reasons. I grew up with a very knowledgeable father and a registered blind mother. Because of this I was taught, from a very early age to see and be aware of things around me, about nature and wildlife. I know a lot of plant names, animal and bird names etc and through the years have passed this information on to my kids. Mark had a different up-bringing and when Isabelle was starting to ask, what's that plant/animal/bird? Mark didn't know. So he set about learning. My photography has also played a part in his wanting to know more. He's seen some of my photographs, particularly the close up macro shots of insects and butterflies and has been amazed at the detail. (it's very hard to amaze Mark with anything!) so he's set off on his mission to learn. To learn, he's had to look around him and become aware of his surroundings and what's actually going on in the world. He's realised there is a whole new world outside of himself. So I think he's opened up a portal in his being and allowed himself to become aware of what is going on around him and what the people around him are doing. It's a bit of a novelty for me because he's never been like this. He's always been (by his own admittal) a selfish person, but due to this change I think it's allowed us to get a bit closer to each other. We are getting on so much better these days. The conversations we have are not soley about motorbikes. He's also been very supporting about my broken camera. He can understand what it means to me. This time last year he wouldn't have understood. It's just a camera... but for some reason, he's been really understanding and has even given me some money that he made from selling old bike bits on ebay. Now that WAS a surprise as he was selling bike bits to fund new bike bits needed to repair his project bike. The fact that he sacrificed parts for his project bike to put towards my camera fund really does show a huge change in him. I really do hope he doesn't revert back!
How good to read this!!
ReplyDeleteYou're a great couple, you know!