Brrrr, it's cold!

It is absobloodylutely freezing cold here today! The fact that we have no central heating, due to the boiler packing up doesn't help. Mark is whinging that he wants to go out to 'do something' but it's too flippin' cold to go out wandering around shops. Besides, Isabelle is full of cold once again and is coughing her little lungs up. If I took her out, the nice slimy trail from her nose would freeze! LOL so I'm staying put today.

On the up-side, my Metallica tickets have arrived!!! wooohoooooooooo!! yipee aye ay and all that. I really can't wait to go and see them. I've been a Metallica fan for 25 years and have never seen them at a gig... so this is a first for me, and I really really am looking forward to it. 28th of February.. which also happens to be our 6th Wedding Anniversary. What a way to celebrate :D At least Mark won't forget our anniversary this year LOL.

My aching brain

My poor old brain has gone into overdrive! It won't stop thinking. It's whirring away like a battling top that keeps bumping on the sides and then whizzes back into the middle for another frenzied bout of spinning!

Since I started to write my slimming blog I've gone into a deep thought prosess and am self analysing. I have to say that it is definately helping me come to terms with myself. I'm working out a lot of things that have been buried for a long time, and I am sorting out excuses for 'me' when really there are no excuses. I have to stop making these excuses and accept that I am what I am but at the moment, my body is in transition. At the end of the day, when all the excess weight is gone, I will still be me but in a smaller body that I will feel a lot more comfortable in.

Although I'm doing day to day bits in my slimming blog, I'm also writing 'my story' and already I have written Part I and Part II. This is my therapy and it really does seem to be working. I'm finding out things about myself that I've ignored or brushed to one side and made stupid excuses for. You never know, one day I may see if I can get it published (under a pen name of course).

Also, CG's post yesterday about soulmates and Love is.. set me thinking. She asked if soulmates exist. Good question. Do soulmates exist? If by the definition that CG gave from wikipedia, then I personally don't think they do. But.. is there a person in my life that I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life without contact from this person, then yes. One person in particular in my life has been through an awful lot with me and vice versa. We just seem to exist because and despite of each other. It is a very comfortable relationship without having to prove anything to each other, and it's always been that way. Faults are accepted without question and the feeling that we are meant to have a relationship exists. But does this cross into the love category? Just because you have this relationship with someone, does it mean you love them? So I spent ages last night wallowing in the bath thinking about this. Thanks CG! LOL

Also, CG mentioned love is.. I giggled to myself last night as my hubby walked into the house from fixing his motorbike and said 'can you wash this petrol out of my eye, it flicked up from the hose and bullseyed him in the eye'. So to me Love Is.. washing petrol out of your hubby's eye without laughing at him for being an idot LOL

The School Run!

Ok, a bit of a grumble this morning.

Isabelle goes to Nursery in the mornings in a small but busy school. The road at to the main entrance of the school is not very wide. When cars are parked at the side of the road, this road then becomes one way even though cars still drive in both directions and end up nose to nose and nowhere to go. It is always chaotic! Why do parents seem to have their brains removed when dropping kids off to school? They search for parking places like it's the end of the world. I've seen two cars trying to get into the same spot and the parents almost coming to blows over it. How stupid is that?

And why when the yellow lines on the road right outside the school gate clearly state NO STOPPING do parents insist on parking right outside the gate causing major blockages in the road. No one can get anywhere. And of course, there are so many kids around trying to get into school at the same time. It's a nightmare, and it really does put my back up. Why do the parents think that it is acceptable to park outside the gate and let their kids out of the car then watch them walk into school? Is it lazyness? Can't the parents be bothered to get out of their car? This led me back to thinking about a TV programme I watched last night with Gok Wan (I love this bloke!) on teenage obesity, but I talk about that in my slimming blog Annie Gets It Off!! It's no wonder kids are fatter these days. They don't actually walk anywhere!

The other thing that grated my nerves this morning was child responsibility? Now I'm all for kids being responsible for themselves, but at 7 years old, they are kids. How much responsibility do you put on a child of 7? As I was coming out from dropping Isabelle off, I heard a 7 year old say to his mum, oh mum, have you got my glasses? This child obviously needed glasses for school work but not to wear all the time. His mother's reply was no! They're not my responsibility, they're yours. You left them on your desk. If you haven't got them it's your own fault not mine. Now obviously I don't know any of the background of this child and his mum, but I personally thought it was a bit harsh. This boy now has to go through the whole day at school without his glasses. I found this a bit hard to understand. Having had a forgetful child, I spent a lot of time reminding him of things he needed. But who is in the wrong? Is this mother in the wrong for making the boy go all day without his glasses because he didn't pick them up? Or am I in the wrong for thinking if it were me, I'd have reminded him or even picked them up because he can't work at school all day without them? Maybe I'm too soft, maybe I'm wrong because I've run about reminding my kids what they need. But this boy was only 7 years old. Can of worms? So I drove home wondering if I've mollycoddled my kids. They've grown up to be responsible young adults who have never given me any problems (well apart from Eve hitting the hormonal teens!) and I know full well that both of them could survive on their own should they need to. Will this young boy remember his glasses tomorrow because his mum is teaching him to be responsible for himself? I don't know. Two sides to the coin I guess.

Thanks to friends

I just want to say thanks CG and The Bearded One for your comments on my crypticisms post. It's great to know there's someone there to blether on to. Mark only sort of half listens when I start about this sort of thing. It's not 'his bag' as he calls it and doesn't understand (or doesn't want to understand) the in's and out's of online communities. I realise it's hard to understand when you're not part of it, and his simple answer is always, walk away. But it's not that easy to walk away when you've worked 3 years for something, even if it is 'only online' and a lot of people rely on it. I've made a lot of friends online, some of them have become good friends after sorting the wheat from the chaff (meow!).

I have taken a step back from the computer. Got my emotions back in check, and am ready to carry on. It seems funny to thrown an online temper tantrum LOL. It just gets to the point sometimes where I need to take a step back, and stop getting so wound up about things that really shouldn't stress me out. But as always, the niggles and problems all seem to land at once. Hopefully, they are ironed out now and internet life goes on. This is something I cannot just walk away from.. so despite me throwing a wobbly now and then, hopefully, it will continue and will probably cause more temper tantrums in the future.

On a more personal note, I've decided to keep a 'diet' blog separate to this, my main blog. So all my weekly updates and dieting ramblings will now be on my new blog called Annie Gets It Off!! I will probably confuse myself now. Lets face it, it doesn't take much sometimes LOL. But if you want to know how much I lost this week ;) head on over to Annie Gets It Off

Crypticisms!

OK, so this post is going to be cryptic on purpose and anyone reading it is probably going to think I've lost the plot, but I need to get it off my chest and Mark's answer to it all is 'pull the plug'.

Something I have been doing for a while now and is very dear to me is beginning to drive me demented. It's one thing after another, problem on top of problem. I do one thing that I think will be of benefit and it throws up so many problems because of it, I'm about ready to throw the towel in with it. It upsets me. I has been for a while. I've tried not to let it get on top of me, brushed things off and dealt with them. If something like this is causing so much stress when it's not necessary, then what is the point?

I'm also having to rely quite heavily on one other person to solve problems that I don't have the capability to solve myself, which (due to my nature) bothers me. I am incapable of solving these problems and have to rely on someone elses good nature and free time to work things out.

I just feel that I'm stuck in a deep dark hole with the whole thing at the moment and there is no light to brighten the way a little bit.

Make what you will of what I've said.. just know that it's really beginning to pee me off and upset me and I really am wondering if it's all worth it!

Sticky Substances!

Well this cold has wiped me out! Everyone said it lasts 10 days to a fortnight. Almost a week on and there's no sign of it leaving. And yesterday I had a cracking migrane to go with it. Oh joy!!

This week I lost 1lb. I'm disgusted to say the least! Ok, so I had this cold, but I stuck to the plan 100% despite wanting to eat comfort foods. I knew if I ate them it wouldn't comfort me at all, in fact it would make me feel worse, so I really stuck to it. I'm not happy that I've only lost 4lbs in three weeks. That is REALLY slow going for me. Grrrrrr. Hey ho, c'est la vie and all that. Carry on regardless.

I got back on the exercise bike this morning after giving it a miss while this cold was at it's worst. I put Avenged Sevenfold, The Beast and the Harlot on LOUD and cycled along to that. The song is exactly 5 minutes long, so I sang along and cycled. I know it's only 5 minutes, but I'll add another song tomorrow and hopefully get through both songs. I have to build it up. It's no good jumping on the bike, cycling for hours and half killing myself. Build up slowly and then see how far I can get.

WOW!!

Every year we go to the Northwich Thundersprint (huge huge bike and biker event). Hubby drools over the bikes and I take photographs.

I received an email from one of the Thundersprint organisers. He has seen my photographs of last year's Thundersprint on my website and was very impressed and the photographs are excellent (he said).

He has asked me to cover this year's Thundersprint photographically. I will get a press pass (access all areas) including trackside to photograph whatever I want, and he definately wants some photographic coverage of the Ducati's woooh! All he wants in return is a CD of photographs of the weekend. YAY!! OK, so I'm not getting paid for it, but I really don't care. We were going anyway and I get to go places the general public can't. And more than that.. to me anyway, I get my name known. I will get all credits on my photographs when they are used publicly, and I'm happy with that

I did have a giggle on the phone though. He said, I hate to ask this, but I want to give you an official race weekend t-shirt and I need to know your chest size I told him it would be better to wait until nearer the time as I won't know what size I'll be till then as I'm losing weight. He said phew, thank god for that. You can tell my wife when you know what size you'll need. He said he hates having to ask women their chest size.. he's old fashioned.. lol, bless him

So, I get to be an 'official photographer' for the weekend. How cool is that? And how much more weight can I shift before May the 10th. God I can't be looking all official and fat. At least that's a new incentive to keep me going...

Pah!!

Well so much for exercise being good for you! The first day after I exercise, I'm struck down with the mother of all colds and a hacking cough! arrghhhh! Mark said it's not a good idea to exercise when you're ill because your body is too busy trying to heal itself that I won't benefit from any exercise. Good! Permission to stop accepted LOL. It's not that I'm giving up on the exercise bike.. I just am not well enough to do it. It's bad enough hauling my carcass off to bed at night and getting up the stairs. So frustrating! When it strikes, IT STRIKES! Hopefully it will clear up a bit over the weekend. I can't be doing with Mark nagging to 'git oot tha hoos' all weekend when I actually just want to curl up and be left alone 'cos I feel so pants.

I've taken it as easy as I can today... I've been listing my mushroom houses, fairy tree house and the cherubs on ebay. One of the cherubs has a bid on it already :) I need to see what fairy doors I have left and get those listed too.

I was thinking about finding out what craft fairs are going to be on in the area and maybe booking a stall to sell my wares at LOL. I'm sure they'd go down well at a craft fair.

Exercise

Me and exercise have never been the best of friends. It's odd really because up until the age of 14 I used to to ballet and gymnastics to a high level. I used to to ballet on pointe shoes (I was pretty good if I say so myself), and I competed in national level gymnastic competitions. Of course, I got to 14 and discovered that there were more important things to life.. boys and a social life. Oh if only I knew then what I know now!

So anyway, having lost another 2 pounds this week bringing the total since 1st October to 38 pounds, I decided that I'd invest in an exercise bike. This is the exercise I'm most likely to do. I don't have to go out of the house, so motivating myself into going somewhere is not an issue. I don't have to parade my unfit flab infront of anyone at the gym, and I don't have to take my clothes off and squeeze it into a show everything swimming costume (although swimming is definately on the agenda when the weather warms up, Isabelle loves swimming).

A little disappointed with myself this morning as I only managed 5 minutes on the bike. My stamina is so weak! It doesn't help that I suffer with my hips and lower back due to the fibro. That said, I'm planning to do another 5 minutes a little later on, and then work on building it up by increments of 5 minutes so that I can do a half hour session twice a day. I know my stamina will increase, especially as the weight goes down.

I will be both slimmer and fitter this year. I'm tired of being overweight and not being able to do much. I know part of it is due to the fibro, but a lot of it is due to carrying a lot of excess poundage!

Onwards and downwards!

Change of title and look

For anyone that reads this on a regular, or less than regular basis, you'll notice I've changed the title of my blog and the colour scheme.

When I started my blog, I was really suffering with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, hence keeping a diary about it.

Recently, I'm not suffering too badly, and I'm trying not to dwell on what I have too much. So, I've not really had the need to keep an illness related diary. This led me on to thinking about my blog in general. Why do I write a blog? Does anyone read it? Does anyone care about it? Do I care if anyone reads it? Hmmm.. the answer to all questions is 42!!

I suppose it's just a place where I can waffle on to myself if need be. I can get things out of my head, although, I'm still careful about what I say sometimes in case any of my family come across my blog. I'd hate to say something that could be taken as derogatory, when really it was just a thought in the big hollow space in my skull.

I wonder, is there a place EVER where I can truly be me? And truly say what I think and feel? I don't think there is. It always falls to my lack of self confidence, and how people judge me. I'm not brave enough to open my mind and heart to expose my true feelings. I'm always concerned about how another person would feel. Of course, I always judge this on how I'd feel if I were the one on the receiving end.. not everyone is an emotional wreck as I can be.. oversensitive and hard on myself taking the guilt far too often when I shouldn't.

So.. see.. Incessant Ramblings suits the title of my blog because that's what I do.. Ramble Incessantly.. now my poor little brain has gone into 'think overdrive' and I'm supposed to be going to bed. Why have humans not evolved a brain switch like a light switch, so that at the end of the night we can just switch the brain off? Hmmm food for thought.

Goodnight.. [click]

About time!

Well it's about time I checked in here.. slacker that I am. Where does the time go?

Christmas and New Year were spent visiting family. It's nice to see everyone but we racked up 1000 miles on the clock. I'm not doing it next year. They can come to me. We are the only ones with a little kid yet we have to do all the travelling. So next year we will spend Christmas at home and anyone who wants to visit is more than welcome to.

Weight loss wise, I lost 4 and a half pounds Christmas week and then another 1 pound New year week. It was so difficult at the Outlaws over New Year. Mark's mum is 8 stone wet through and has no idea about healthy eating. I'm sure she adds fat to food for the sake of it being there. I did take stuff with me that i knew I could eat but when it came to New Years dinner, I really didn't want to be difficult. I stuck mainly to the meat and veg, but even the gravy was made with the meat fat and juices. So to lose a pound after spending 5 days there, I was happy with. Total loss is now 2 stone 8 pounds on Slimming World, but.. I had my follow up appointment with the dietician yesterday. I saw him mid September for my first appointment and WI. So weighing in with him yesterday he says I've lost a total of 42 pounds since I last saw him. Of course, he was over the moon and genuinely happy for me. I see him again in another 3 months, just so he can keep his eye on me.. bless him LOL.

I've also started my 40 day 'Slimathon' to raise money for the NSPCC. Slimming World do this every year for a different charity, so I thought well I'm losing anyway I might as well raise pounds while i'm losing pounds.

If anyone ever reads this blog and would like to donate, you can visit my just giving sponsor page by CLICKING HERE