This is the first post of 'the rest of my life'.
Sounds a bit deep doesn't it?
The reality is, I've joined slimming world this morning. After seeing the dietician, I tried to eat healthily, but I find I can't do it on my own. I need checking, a day of reckoning each week. I know Slimming World works for me. I've lost a huge amount of weight with them in the past, but gave up and became a slob, gaining so much weight I can't bear to think abut it.
I had a really odd experience last night and it hit me like a thunderbolt. Obviously my weight has been on my mind since having Isabelle three years ago, but it's kept creeping up and I've ignored it. I've been 'thinking' of going on a diet, changing my eating habits.. whatever you want to call it, for quite some time, but never taken it further than that. I've never had the inclination and have just plodded (literally) on. Last night, I took Isabelle to gymnastics and popped to Sainsbury's to pick up something for dinner, like I usually do on a Monday, generally to kill time until it's time to collect her again. I walked past the magazines (I'm not normally a magazine buyer at all) and I stopped to look. I picked up the slimming world magazine and the lightening bolt hit... I thought, right, that's it. I know there is a class on Tuesday mornings right next to Isabelle's Nursery... I'm going in the morning. I felt completely happy and relaxed about it. I never normally feel this way about changing my eating habits and stopping eating junk, but I was actually looking forward to it. Seems odd to me LOL. I went and had a coffee and read my magazine while waiting for Isabelle. One success story struck a big nerve with me. The girl had lost almost 5 stone. She has fibromyalgia/ME, whereas I have Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatique Syndrome. Her story inspired me, even though I'd already decided I was joining, it really just confirmed my descision.
When Mark got home I told him my decision. He finds it hard to understand that I need to go to a class and have help and support. He is such a strong willed person that once he's made his mind up about something, he sticks to it and nothing can change him from that decision. I on the other hand end up a completely emotional wreck. I punish myself mentally for failing. I can also switch off my conscience as and when necessary when it comes to food. We ended up talking for over an hour about my decision. He still can't understand it, but he accepts it and also accepts that I need it, it's what works best for me. He is behind me on this though, and he wants to eat healthier himself. He's agreed to help me plan main meals for the week (not that he'll cook them lol).
Another problem I have is that I'm a very picky eater. I don't like fruit, but I love veg. I don't like spicy food, which often leads to me eating what other people might call 'boring' meals. I'm happy with them, but Mark thinks I should be a bit more adventurous with my food. I promised I'd try. I've also told him that I am going to have a section in the fridge where I can put food that is specifically for me. If Mark sees food in the fridge, he will eat it whether I've planned to use it for a meal or not. I may save some ham for my lunch the following day, but he picks a lot. He'll see the ham and just eat it as it is, because he wants it. When I've bought food specifically for me in the past, I've gone to get it only to find someone's eaten it. It drives me nuts! especially as he really kicks off if someone eats any of what he calls 'his' food. So he's promised to leave my stuff alone.
So, I've been and weighed in this morning. I've done it. I've faced the trauma and shame and humiliation that I've actually got to this point. I stepped off the scales and said to the guy who weighed me in... ok, you'll never see that number from me again... onwards and downwards. And that's really how I feel.
I've got all the books I need. I've joined the Slimming World Lifeline Online website. There are tonnes of recipies and help and advice.
What's really odd, is that I feel really positive. Of all the times I've tried to lose weight in the past, this is only the second time I've felt this way. The last time I felt like this.. I lost 9 stone in 11 months!! How the hell did I ever let myself put all that weight back on?? I am so ashamed of myself, but on the upside, I am now doing something about it. I've faced it and I'm tackling it.