Dear So and So....

Dear Landline telephone...

You really are beginning to pig me off now! I don't use you very often (the fact that BT told me not to pay them this month and then halve my payments from now on, proves that), but c'mon, give me a break. Is it really necessary to start bleeping at me after 15 minutes to tell me that you no longer want to be a telephone and will shut down. Your battery life is supposed to be 10 hours not 15 minutes. I realise you might be trying to help me by giving me an excuse to get off the phone when someone in particular phones and starts nagging me like I'm still 5 years old, but occasionally I'd like to have a conversation that lasts longer than 15 minutes. I did warn you to behave yourself, but today you are going to be replaced.

Yours, with regret, Annie

Dear Hubby (funny how you always manage to appear in a Dear So and So...)

Haven't you realised yet that life and your body are trying to tell you something? Slow down a bit! Accept that you're no longer 21. Still not recovered from your football injury to your knee (complete knackerisation.. (cool word!!) of your ligaments), you only go and fall off your motorbike (again!) Thank god it was a slow speed crash and that your bike came off worse than you in the injury stakes, but that really is quite a large hole in your other knee. The skinned elbow could have been so much worse if you weren't wearing your armour protected jacket, but how did you manage to skin your hip/waist like that? So now your other knee is buggered and you are hobbling walking around like you have crapped your boxers. Please don't get angry with me when I laugh at your gait.. it is really funny and you'd laugh yourself if you could see it.

Yours simpathetically

Your laughing loving wife xx

Dear World Cup Football

Bugger off

Yours pissed-offedly

A. N. Other football widow.