Saturday, January 7

..and on to 2012

Happy New Year! It crept in quietly in our house, but that's ok. The fireworks in London on the TV were stunning.

Of course, everyone takes time at the new year to take stock of them, life and everything in it, including me.

Where I'm at these days:  During the run up to Christmas, I thought I was loosing the plot. Stress wears me down and I was angry with myself on Christmas Day when I ended up having a minor meltdown at the end of the day and couldn't stop crying. A disagreement with hubby set me off and I just couldn't come back from it.. but after visiting family after Christmas and getting to see my lovely elder daughter I felt much better when I got home again.

So this year I will: continue to be a non smoker. I smoked my last cigarette at 8.30am on the 16th of September last year and haven't had another one since. I'm now at the point where I consider myself to be a non smoker. Now after smoking for around 25 years or so, that is something I never thought I'd consider myself to be.. but there you go.

So now that's done and out of the way, I can tackle my food dependency and weight issues. I have been on every diet going since the age of 16. I am now 43!!! I have lost a lot of weight, but gained more than I've lost. It's ridiculous. So I am never going to put myself on a diet ever again... NEVER. I am eating what I want to eat, when I want it (yes including chocolate or biscuits) I'm just making sure I'm eating consciously rather than unconsciously. Do I really need to make 4 slices of toast 'just in case' I need more. I will make 2 slices and really, it IS sufficient. So I'm tackling it all psychologically and dealing with it lifetime longterm rather than 'going on another diet'. The word diet should have 'fail' in brackets next to it.. The psychological help is working already. I'm not constantly thinking what can I eat next.. I am in control of the food rather than it being in control of me... brainwashing? maybe.. but if it works, it works.

Also this year I'm going to become (A VERY YOUNG!) Grandma. My eldest daughter is 26 and is having a baby.. yayyyyyyy!!! I actually never thought I'd see the day. She was always so anti-having-kids. But she's settled with her soon to be hubby and their new baby will arrive towards the end of August. I'm really not sure how either of them will cope. Neither of them has changed a nappy in their lives, let alone fed or dressed a baby.. but I'm sure they'll do just fine (slightly anxious look lol)

So that's the way life is at the moment. I'm quite contented and happy with my lot. My fibromyalgic body gives me grief daily, but I'm trying to cope the best I can when the pain isn't too bad. My Teaching Assistant course is going fine... which reminds me, I really should get back to my coursework!!